Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
well you can't waste a boner
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
Randomize
