I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
Randomize
