if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
he laminated a picture of his dick.
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
Randomize
