Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
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