20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
