The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
Randomize
