I love black thongs
Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
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