i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
