now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
