From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
Randomize
