the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
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