GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
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