Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
So many bounce houses so little time
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
