Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
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