She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
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