i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
