He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
Randomize
