I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
Randomize
