It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
Randomize
