I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
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