(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
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