i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
Randomize
