So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
Randomize
