i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
Randomize
