I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
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