Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
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