I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
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