we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
Randomize
