hotel room ftw
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
Randomize
