Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
another moral hangover. fuck.
i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Randomize
