i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
Randomize
