Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
Randomize
