im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
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