you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
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