it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
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