You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
When did we convert life to cartoon?
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
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