The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
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