Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
love makes seman taste better
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
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