bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Randomize
