I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Randomize
