My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Randomize
