Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
Randomize
