rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
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