whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
I don't know what your problem is but seriously you're a cunt for throwing up that song on your page. It's rude as fuck
omg its myspace i didnt think anyone took that seriously anymore
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
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