he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
Randomize
