how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
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