I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Randomize
