I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
I bet he comes in French.
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
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