She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
Randomize
