Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
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